Childcare: The First Steps

So, I've decided to start babysitting. Actually, this decision isn't exactly a new idea. I have been toying with the idea of babysitting in home since I had Kayla. I thought it would be the perfect way to make a little extra money without having to dump her in daycare. During her first year, Kayla and I went to my brother and sister-in-law's house in Philadelphia to babysit for our niece, Emma. It was a fantastic experience even with the hour commute both ways. It served as a great learning experience and convinced me that I would love do this.

When we moved to NY, we were hours away from all friends and family who might possibly want me to watch their children, so I hesitated when it came to getting started. I have no professional childcare experience, and I wasn't sure if it was even worth the effort. I felt that even if I managed to find a family, they would be weirdos or low-lives or some other creeptastic form of human beings. Brian was worried about being sued. I considered all this and really still felt I had to try. The worst that would happen was that I would find them to be undesirable, and not agree to it.

I put my ad on Craigslist and just waited. Within a couple of weeks, I got two responses. The first was for a single mother with a 3 year old. She seemed perfectly friendly, but as the messages went on and on, I began to get a bad feeling about her. She started telling me very personal information, like, information I might not even tell my good friends- abusive family, crazy exes, living on her own at 15 and on and on it went. I was scared. So I had to tell her that regretfully, I couldn't do this. But as luck would have it, I had already received the messaged from the second family- a wonderful, incredible family that I feel so blessed to have found, who were having a newborn and looking into other methods of childcare aside from daycare- perfect!

I felt more comfortable with newborns. Some can argue that toddlers are easier to care for- I disagree. I know newborns, first of all. I feel like I can care for 20 newborns with my hands tied behind my back. They need basic care- to be fed, changed, cuddled, to take naps, and to explore in their own little way. Toddlers are little people. They get bored, and let you know it. They get into trouble. They throw tantrums and act out. And they also need to learn. Actually learn- not developmentally, like a newborn, but you have to teach them things. That's a huge responsibility that I wasn't sure if I was ready for. Toddlers are serious business. They are scary.

I know, because I have a trouble-finding, tantrum-throwing, constantly-learning toddler that is loud, messy, and demanding. Multiplied by two and the result is mind-numbing.

So, after sending several emails back and forth as they asked questions and we got to know each other a little bit, we decided to meet at a park during a busy time of day. They brought their whole family, and we went with ours. I'm not even sure how to begin explaining how nervous I was. I felt like I was on an interview, but not based on job skills but my entire personality. They were judging my character and whether they felt they wanted their baby to be with me- as they should have been. But it's still nerve-wracking. If they had said no, I would have felt so hurt, even if I couldn't blame them. They had to trust their sitter. But I wanted so badly to be the type of person that strangers could look at and know would be responsible, loving, and honest.

Thankfully, they saw that! Woohoo! We chatted about some details, and as we left they assured me that they felt really wonderful about the meeting, and that they really wanted to do this. I was ecstatic! They were also wonderful, as well, better than anything I could have possibly hoped for. They're both professionals, responsible, and have two older boys who are happy and healthy. Wonderful people and parents. And very easy-going, which you'll understand why was a major plus in a few moments.

Since we met before the baby was born, we had about another month before we'd plan another meeting. They were to come to our home so they could see the place and know where Kylie would be. Now- I take a little bit of pride in how far I've come as Suzy Homemaker. I clean regularly, disinfect toys, do wash constantly, take out the garbage, garden, fix things around the house, etc. The only thing I don't do is cook- and this won't really affect the babysitting thing for now anyway. But Brian is.... well... a collector. Maybe if I can figure out how to upload pictures, I'll do that. But since he's been a teenager, Brian has collected. Collected a lot of stuff. And collected stuff that might be... off-putting... to some. First of all, he likes the classic horror movies- Frankenstein, Dracula, Creature from the Black Lagoon, so on and so forth. So half of our living room looks like a normal living room with the television and sofa, curtains and end tables. But then the other half sort of becomes Brian's world. The computer desk and DVD cases are on either side of the wall, surrounded by which are the beginnings of his 'stuff'. Dozens of figurines, bobble heads, and life-sized busts of the monsters from his favorite movies. On the walls are hanging prints of paintings by his favorite artist- Basil Gogos, who obviously paints these monsters. They are all signed prints. I should also note that he's got tons of DVDs (in the thousands), so his DVDs alone are an overwhelming sight. And on top of one case of them are his wresting figurines (admittedly, a small collection), and along the rest are his box sets from his DVDs on display. That's the first corner that, on the tour of the house, I held my breath waiting for a comment or a look of concern. But they just looked and laughed as I joked about his collecting habits.

Upstairs, we showed them all three bedrooms. Our bedroom is probably the worst of the house. Brian's other passion is music. In our room, he keeps his CD collection (or as he refers to them, "his other babies"), all collectibles music-related (signed posters, box sets, records, music figurines, etc.) as well as more of his movie memorabilia. More figurines from movies, and the wall where our bed is pushed up against is a wall-to-wall collage of his miniature movie prints (I forget the name of them, I'll have to get back to you. They're just small rectangular posters that are small versions of the movie ads). There is not a stitch of white on the wall and from ceiling to floor these posters encircle our bed. The rest of the room isn't much better. It's like a teenagers bedroom, but worth a lot more money.

The second room is Kayla's which we didn't really spend much time in. But the third room is where the pack and play is set up, and where, hopefully and space-permitting once the bed is moved in there, Kylie would be sleeping for naps. The room has been a library space for my books- which aren't as impressive a collection as anything Brian has, but still, there are plenty. It's also where Brian has kept his hockey memorabilia- so an entire wall has Redwings figurines, hockey pucks, Stanley Cup models, flags, and other hockey-related things are kept. Also, some of his less-favorite-but-still-need-out figurines are on top of shelves. Again, they laughed when I made an off-handed comment about his stuff. They weren't phased by all the 'stuff' at all.

I am trying to post pictures. I've been very computer-illiterate lately, so bear with me. But it's worth adding them. It's like a normal home meets a man-cave meets a teenage boy's bedroom. Very bizarre. And the way I just described that sounds terribly inappropriate, but sadly it's true!


Well, they left and for several days I waited to hear back from an email I had sent them that night asking them a question. I got worried they didn't really like the place and were trying to find a way to politely back down. But finally they responded, saying that they were so happy with everything, that she had been telling her friends at work how they had found a private person to care for their baby instead of daycare, and just a general feeling of being happy about the entire situation. So she's stopping by this Friday to drop off some frozen breastmilk and diapers and other supplies, and we get to see Kylie again before the big day.

We're starting on May 27th. It's coming up very quickly!

As far as how Kayla will respond, I'm not sure. I think she'll be really confused at first, and probably have a bought of 'sibling rivalry' and jealousy at first. It's been a long two years of Kayla getting nothing but my undivided attention at home, the change might be a little shocking to her. But I really do have a good feeling that she'll adjust well, and quickly. She loves all things small and cuddly, and I've been talking to her about having a new baby around. I expect there to be some rough days in the beginning (and probably randomly throughout, of course) but that just goes with the territory. I think of it this way. Had I gotten a job outside the home, aside from the added hassle of going out, dropping her in daycare, and the added expenses, Kayla would still have to have a period of adjustment to new things. This adjustment is at least smaller and less traumatic. I'll still be here for her all day, but she'll have to learn that she can't spent every minute in my arms or receiving my undivided attention. I also think this will be really good practice for any other kids that Brian and I decide to have in the future, so I'll have less trouble getting her used to the idea of having another baby in the house. I guess we'll see how accurate my prediction is soon enough!

Because I just feel like it

Since I was pregnant I've had this plan to write and blog about my experience- pregnancy, labor and delivery, being a new mom, etc. Yeah. That didn't exactly work out the way I planned.

As it turned out, my priorities during pregnancy were as follows:
1.) School, reading, homework, writing papers, and graduating
2.) Money, working, paying the bills
3.) Dealing with the physical ailments of being pregnant, sleeping, and going to doctors
4.) Maintaining my relationship with a very stressed out boyfriend and self
5.) Writing about all of the above issues in a way that would be cathartic and not irritating

Before I knew it, I was more than 7 months pregnant and hadn't written a single thing. I dreamed of one day showing Kayla my pregnancy journal so that she could read it and laugh along as she discovered that even in utero she kept me up at night and exhausted me. I tried to start one late in the pregnancy, but it was pathetic and instead of the heartfelt entries blogged in a manner that really brought the moment back into focus, it became a whiny rant about things that I was explaining based solely on memory (much of which was blocked from my mind due to the pain, discomfort, or high stress levels).

So I thought I would just start again and have a place to at least vent if I need to do it. Not that this will really take off. I might just make one post, this, and never come here again. I might come back every day. I go through spurts where I feel the need to write a lot until it swings to the opposite side of the spectrum and I either can't even feign an interest in writing or have absolutely no time or energy for it.

So for now, I'll just say that the past 22 months has been crazy. Kayla's delivery was easy- maybe at some point I'll write about that in more detail. She never took to breastfeeding, so I pumped for several months and went through a traumatizing decision to stop torturing my boobs by pumping dried milk ducts and switched to formula exclusively by 4 months. I felt terrible, as many people will make you feel as though you are poisoning your child with formula. She did fine. In fact, once she was exclusively formula fed, she thrived and all her previous constant health concerned seemingly vanished.

She's healthy, intelligent, adventurous, independent, silly, impatient, and friendly. Oh, and beautiful. But I could go on and on. She's a great little kid but with a stubborn streak like her father's that sometimes drives us nuts. She impressed people with her vocabulary. She's just awesome.

So, for now, I'll end this by saying that at almost 2 years old, she's come a long way and is the center of my world. In a couple of weeks I will be starting a babysitting job, in our home, for a 2 month old. It's going to be an incredible experience and I can't wait to start. This is also going to give us an idea of how we are going to handle having another baby of our own. It gives me the chance to learn how to handle two young children and Kayla the opportunity to see a little baby around the house and overcome her inevitable jealousy or confusion. As an added bonus, they can become friends so Kayla will have a playmate around here and be used to being around another child before she goes off to school. Maybe that's what I'll wind up writing about. I don't know. But either way, I'm sure I'll need a place to get things off my chest and work thoughts out. More to come.